Miss Indepedent to Miss Dependant

22nd July – that’s when it all changed. The day I started fitting like a dog having a WAY overactive dream….

I was out in town with my daughter, Kaitlyn, going round the shops (as one mother does to kill the time in the day) and I didn’t feel well at all so I got something to eat and drink and that didn’t help either…. We went back to the car to go home and God knows how I managed to drive because I feeling very lathargic, sick and somewhat stoned. Anyway, got home, put K on the floor, sat on sofa and rang my partner’s mum to come over because I didn’t feel right and not long after she came home, it started after my head had recovered from its migranious pounding.

A recurrent twitch began in the fold parallel to my elbow on my left arm and I couldn’t control it and then suddenly I’m constantly turning my head to my right all the time. Following this, my whole left arm is twitching and the whole ‘fit’ becomes more vigourous with my arching my back and twitching in my right arm and I’m crying at the fact that I am not in any control of this whatsoever; twas quite an odd sensation and experience. I am describing this from my own knowledge of the event not from someone else telling me as I didn’t ‘black out’, fall to the floor and froth at the mouth as people may stereotypically think of a fit. I was coherent in all my senses however I wasn’t able to talk very well given my jerky movements.

In the meantime, Kaitlyn is quite happily sitting in her bouncer that her nana had placed her in staring at me quite interestingly as if I was a sort of new interactive toy for her entertainment, with ‘nana’ trying to keep me calm and call and ambulance and phoned Dave (my partner) to come home. The paramedics soon arrived and put a ‘line’ in my hand drugging me with a muscle relaxant, which they had to inject about 3 times because the muscle jerking was that severe and they transported me to hospital and by the time I got there I had recovered. I felt knackered! which isn’t surprising given I had performed somewhat the equivalent of that black guy inthe film ‘white chicks’ where he’s dancing drugged up on the dance floor….

After that day, I had to return to the hospital twice due to more fits, but they weren’t as severe as the first one. If anything I felt like I was having a stroke with my whole left side frozen and had to be taken from my front room to the amblance outside in just my shirt and pants, head hanging to my left side zombified on the wheeling chair drooling as if I was some sterotypical OAP staring hopelessly at the TV or out a window in a care home.

After being kept in for 2 nights after the third visit to hospital I was diagnosed with ‘Focal Epilepsy’, where the epilepsy only affects the one side of my brain and I am fully aware of what’s going on. Because of this I am not allowed to drive for a year.

A.whole.FUCKING.year. A YEAR!!!! 6 weeks of not driving was hard enough due to having a c-section but 12 MONTHS??!! I’ve lost my independence, my freedom, you could say I’ve lost my sanity as I’ll have to stay indoors or round the same area all the time because I can’t really drive out of swindon when I want. My poor car FiFi will have to be vigorously man handled by Dave more often now rather than under the control of my more gentle hands and feet. What am I supposed to do about work? Childcare? Seeing my mates from afar? Hmmmm??? What if I am at home alone with K and I start twitching and she copies me??

Now I’m not saying that having to use other means of transport is all bad. It’s just that when you’ve been driving for a long time, (in my case nearly 5 years), and have become complacent with the perks of having a car, not being able to drive and having to depend on other people to cart you around all the time does come to quite a bit of shock and a lot of adaptation.

On the plus side I might be eligible for a free bus pass, a 1/3 off rail travel, the ease of travelling with a baby in her pushchair without breaking my back having to put her seat in and out of the car, being chatted up by some ming-heeaan bus drivers as you step on/off the bus and to experiencing sitting with all walks of life getting to my destination – Yay??

Time will tell….

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